Dating for Dummies

I will never forget the Christmas that my Dad added miniature copies of books to our stockings. I was supplied with a tiny version of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (yes, I got the hint.) Even better though were the tiny "Dating for Dummies" my Dad gave to both of my older siblings. There was much bitter laughter and my Dad's whole body shook with his inside giggle that we all so enjoy!

I was reminded of this incident recently as my boss, Brent, has been constantly bugging me for dating advice. Brent is recently divorced after spending several years attempting to bring his crazy wife to sobriety. With three children and over ten years out of the game, Brent is in dire need of assistance. I will admit though, I am not that proficient of a dater. In fact, I find my behavior in dating is uncharacteristically gender neutral, that is, I don't usually "act like a girl." This fact has left my quite confused and disturbed by the behavior of some of Brent's dates.

Still, he continues to ask me questions about dating daily! So... I am turning to the blog for help... Below I am listing rules that I am pretty dang sure about, but if you have any suggestions as to the inner-workings of dating, feel free to add them.

1. Never double-book. You should never go out on two dates in one evening or even one day. This goes for guys and girls. One of the dates will inevitably interfere with the other and leave you in awkwardness.

2. Holding hands is a cute step, no matter how old you are. The third or fourth date is usually ok to bust a move, but start small with holding hands.

3. Try not to talk about work too much. It's good to ask questions of your other date and if they ask questions about what you do, of course answer them. Otherwise, work details can be boring and make the conversation one-sided.

4. Casual is best. A lot of guys will try to over-play the first date in order to make a big impression. The truth is, good conversation over ice-cream or maybe dinner is better than go-karts, roller skating, skeet shooting, or anything else.

5. NO MOVIES ON FIRST DATES. This is one guys mess up on all the time. The whole purpose of the first date is to get to know the girl, how the hell are you supposed to do that with Johnny Depp in the room?

.... that's really all I got... no wonder I quit trying to date...

The high-heel revenge...

Normally I extol the virtues of high-heel pumps, platform sandals, and anything that makes me an even 5'5". Perhaps it was karma or God's sense of humor that turned my love against me last night. Regardless, this morning I am bruised and my eye looks like I had a rough night on the town.

Picking out the perfect shows to top off my outfit for the evening, I chose my wooden heeled sandals with black leather straps and silver studs. Needless to say, these shoes are hot and make a wicked sound on tile and/or wood floors. Unfortunately, they are also dangerous. While the sole of the shoe is well equipped with contoured rubber to provide traction, the square heel is completely devoid of any such attribute.

After spending the evening with Ian, getting his truck dirty in the mud, I headed to Barnes & Noble to get some tea and head home. On my way home, I remembered something I wanted to look for at the local Hastings, something I promptly forgot about when I walked in the door. I wandered aimlessly for a while, hoping to remember what I was looking for and finally gave up.

On my way out the door, the clerk wished me a good evening which I returned in kind. As I rounded the corner to the doors, I suddenly found myself victim to water and wooden heels. With an obvious lack of grace, I caught myself with my right hand as my right foot slipped behind my left. The move might have been mistaken for the start of a break dancing routine if it had not been for the cup of tea in the left hand which, in the fall, smacked my left eye, covering me in cherry blossom tea.

Embarrassed, I immediately began laughing hysterically and left to get into my car as soon as possible. I won't be going to Hastings for a while.

Damn shoes...