What we choose to remember...

On July 4, 1776 the Second Continental Congress signed and sent to the printers, the Declaration of Independence in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

A year later, in the throws of the Revolutionary War, George Washington celebrated the date by doubling rum rations and ordering artillery fire.

On July 3rd, 1863 the fighting at the war torn fields of Gettysburg ceased and on July 4th it began to rain. It rained for days as the armies tried to pick the wounded from the martyred.

On July 4, 1918 a contingent of Australian and American forces turned the tide of World War I by employing new strategies of engagement. While the Battle of Hamel in France against the Germans was only a small victory, what was learned there saved thousands of American lives later in the war.

In July 1934, the chain reaction for the atom bomb was patented.

On July 4, 1939 Julius Streicher delivered a speech in Nuremberg, Germany which should have been a warning to the world of the forthcoming Nazi rise. World War II began two months later.

On July 4, 1941 American delivers the first aircraft to Britain.

On July 4, 1947 Americans witness the crash of what is claimed to be a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico.

On July 4, 1966 President Johnson signed the Freedom of Information Act, which went into effect the following year.

On July 4, 1976 Israeli commandos raided an airport in Uganda, rescuing almost all of the passengers and crew of an Air France jetliner seized by pro-Palestinian hijackers.

On July 4, 2003 a speaker claiming to be Saddam Hussein called on Iraqis in a taped message to rally behind anti-U.S. resistance.

On July 4, 2007 BBC reporter Alan Johnston, seized by the Army of Islam in the Gaza Strip the previous March, was released.

As of July 4, 2008 over 33,000 American troops have been lost in the War in Iraq since 2003. More astoundingly, over 1.2 million Iraqi's have perished since the invasion.


So much history that began on July 4, 1776... It's ironic that on the same day in 1776, King George III of Great Britain wrote in his journal, "Nothing important happened today."

What is it like working for a personal injury attorney?

When I comment to others that I work for an "ambulance chaser," I am often bombarded with questions about the nature of my employment. In truth, there is little I can say about my job other than, "It's entertaining," to explain what I do every day. It would be difficult to expound on how instead of spending all of the day slaving over briefings, filings, and lawsuits, we often find ourselves shopping for skate shoes at the mall, buying a bass guitar and amplifier for the office, or taking long lunches with associates with are never anywhere close to being "p.c."

It seems that even when we are working diligently, we aren't really working. Take, for example, my bosses' newest cause. (Keep in mind that my bosses' previous causes have included suing cell phone carriers for charging him a cancellation fees, and yes, there was more than one.) My boss recently canceled service with his cable provider and not only did they charge him a cancellation fee, but they also charged him several other late fees because they mistakenly put his EFT into the wrong account. Oh, the INJUSTICE!

A simple phone call to the cable company legal department left my boss so inflamed (though they offered to refund all of his money) that the same day he filed a law suit again the company in Bonneville County court, adding to the total loss his hours in preparing these documents. Much to our (the staff's) chagrin, the cable company went on the defensive and actually hired local counsel to defend the case. To worsen our frustration, the counsel they hired is my bosses' least favorite attorney in Utah and Idaho combined.

In the past few weeks, the filings that have gone back and forth between my boss and this attorney have been numerous, time consuming, and absolutely ridiculous. Today's installment tops the cake! Below are the highlights of my bosses' response to a brief filed by the opposing attorney. Keep in mind that the plaintiff is represented by my boss (his ex-wife is the plaintiff, to be honest) and the defendant is the cable company:

"Plaintiff's motion to amend her complain struck a sensitive nerve deep inside (cable co.)'s profit center. (Cable co.)'s reflexive response to a threat to frustrate its illegal collection practices was to file a ten page responsive brief - or rather, a non-responsive brief - filled with unsubstantiated ad hominen attacks on Plaintiff's counsel. Ironically, (Cable Co.)'s brief was incoherent, lacked organization, and reading it was a complete waste of time because it utterly failed to address Plaintiff's motion to amend her complaint" (see footnote 1)

(Footnote 1: (Cable Co.)'s brief reminds me of a quote in a popular movie, Billy Madison, featuring one of my favorite character actors, Adam Sandler. The Principal makes the following observations after Adam Sandler's character gives a lengthy speech during a school debate competition: "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent reponse were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.")

"... (Cable Co.)'s circular reasoning seems to suggest that Plaintiff's proper procedural course is to file a motion to amend the complain, transfer the case to the district court, and then file a motion to certify the class. Brilliant! Oh wait, but isn't that what Plaintiff intended to do? How is it exactly that (Cable Co.) got it in its head that Plaintiff was attempting to certify a class? Was it the caption?: MOTION TO AMEND COMPLAINT AND TRANSFER TO DISTRICT COURT. I can't see how that would give it the impression Plaintiff was filing a motion to certify a class action. Was it anything I said in my one and a half page brief? Nope. There was no request to certify class. Well, I don't know where (Cable Co.) got the idea. But don't spank me because (Cable Co.) can't read."

"I almost contemplated filing a personal injury suit against (Cable Co.) for throwing up when I began to violently and uncontrollably laugh at (Cable Co.)'s unsupported statements... Anyway, in all seriousness, (Cable Co.)'s collection of illegal penalties must be stopped. And I'm the guy to do it. 'I'm Brent Gordon, you can beat Goliath.' "


I love my job! LOL!

Dating for Dummies

I will never forget the Christmas that my Dad added miniature copies of books to our stockings. I was supplied with a tiny version of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (yes, I got the hint.) Even better though were the tiny "Dating for Dummies" my Dad gave to both of my older siblings. There was much bitter laughter and my Dad's whole body shook with his inside giggle that we all so enjoy!

I was reminded of this incident recently as my boss, Brent, has been constantly bugging me for dating advice. Brent is recently divorced after spending several years attempting to bring his crazy wife to sobriety. With three children and over ten years out of the game, Brent is in dire need of assistance. I will admit though, I am not that proficient of a dater. In fact, I find my behavior in dating is uncharacteristically gender neutral, that is, I don't usually "act like a girl." This fact has left my quite confused and disturbed by the behavior of some of Brent's dates.

Still, he continues to ask me questions about dating daily! So... I am turning to the blog for help... Below I am listing rules that I am pretty dang sure about, but if you have any suggestions as to the inner-workings of dating, feel free to add them.

1. Never double-book. You should never go out on two dates in one evening or even one day. This goes for guys and girls. One of the dates will inevitably interfere with the other and leave you in awkwardness.

2. Holding hands is a cute step, no matter how old you are. The third or fourth date is usually ok to bust a move, but start small with holding hands.

3. Try not to talk about work too much. It's good to ask questions of your other date and if they ask questions about what you do, of course answer them. Otherwise, work details can be boring and make the conversation one-sided.

4. Casual is best. A lot of guys will try to over-play the first date in order to make a big impression. The truth is, good conversation over ice-cream or maybe dinner is better than go-karts, roller skating, skeet shooting, or anything else.

5. NO MOVIES ON FIRST DATES. This is one guys mess up on all the time. The whole purpose of the first date is to get to know the girl, how the hell are you supposed to do that with Johnny Depp in the room?

.... that's really all I got... no wonder I quit trying to date...

The high-heel revenge...

Normally I extol the virtues of high-heel pumps, platform sandals, and anything that makes me an even 5'5". Perhaps it was karma or God's sense of humor that turned my love against me last night. Regardless, this morning I am bruised and my eye looks like I had a rough night on the town.

Picking out the perfect shows to top off my outfit for the evening, I chose my wooden heeled sandals with black leather straps and silver studs. Needless to say, these shoes are hot and make a wicked sound on tile and/or wood floors. Unfortunately, they are also dangerous. While the sole of the shoe is well equipped with contoured rubber to provide traction, the square heel is completely devoid of any such attribute.

After spending the evening with Ian, getting his truck dirty in the mud, I headed to Barnes & Noble to get some tea and head home. On my way home, I remembered something I wanted to look for at the local Hastings, something I promptly forgot about when I walked in the door. I wandered aimlessly for a while, hoping to remember what I was looking for and finally gave up.

On my way out the door, the clerk wished me a good evening which I returned in kind. As I rounded the corner to the doors, I suddenly found myself victim to water and wooden heels. With an obvious lack of grace, I caught myself with my right hand as my right foot slipped behind my left. The move might have been mistaken for the start of a break dancing routine if it had not been for the cup of tea in the left hand which, in the fall, smacked my left eye, covering me in cherry blossom tea.

Embarrassed, I immediately began laughing hysterically and left to get into my car as soon as possible. I won't be going to Hastings for a while.

Damn shoes...

Happy Birthday...

I don't often use my blog as a forum to share my deep, inner thoughts so I beg your forgiveness as I indulge myself today. Today is April 28th, my new birthday. I suppose there are few of us fortunate enough to allot themselves another entire day devoted to a celebration of their life, but for me, it's more a day of reflection and solemnity than anything else. It is also an important day for me to thank my loved ones for their forgiveness, kindness, and willingness to continue loving me despite all.

I rarely speak of Moscow with my family... it tends to bring about painful and difficult to deal with recollections. But today I have enjoyed my fond memories of Moscow: coffee shops, sunset runs in the Palouse, ridiculously fun Halloween parties, late nights walking campus, the tiny art gallery on main street, the food co-op, buying shoes in the mall with Jen, sleeping through geology, the dumb football gargoyles on the Memorial Gym, watching hours of Miami Vice in my apartment, the view as you drive into Lewiston, "the gauntlet," the Pita Pit at two in the morning, Friday night BBQs, the smell of Bryan Young firing up the deep fryer (despite my objections), Saturday morning breakfast, sleeping in Sundays, frisbee golf, playing poker with my buddies at Staples, decorating for Christmas, making cookies when I couldn't sleep... so many good things!

Of course I brought back with me much sadness and many ghosts. Believe it or not, they seem to haunt me more here in Idaho Falls than Moscow. On days like today I find myself driving the river or out to the buttes in Osgood, places of my past that bring a bittersweet peace. And on days like today I only want to reach out and tell those I care for that I love them and I am so glad they are with me.

I hope all of you, even those that may never read this, know in their hearts that they gave me hope when I was in the dark, hugs when I needed to be held, clarity when I was surrounded by gray, and gave me another chance without question. Thank you for my happy birthday...



TWILIGHT
By: Vanessa Carlton

I was stained with a role
In a day not my own
And as you walked into my life
You showed what needed to be shown
And i always knew what was right
I just didn't know that i might
Peel away and choose to see from such a different sight

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high
'Cause I've seen 'cause I've seen twilight

I never cared never wanted never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose so in my face
Couldn't see beyond my own place
And it was so easy to behold
What could hold but you taught me i could change
Whatever came within these shallow days

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high
'Cause I've seen 'cause I've seen

And as the sun shines through and pushes away and pushes ahead
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead
And i never knew that i could be so blind to all that is so real
And as illusioned eyes i see there is so much to be revealed

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high 'cause i've seen 'cause i've seen twilight

I was stained with a role in a day not my own
And as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And i always knew what was right
I just didn't know that i might
Peel away and choose to see from such a different sight

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high 'cause I've seen 'cause I've seen twilight

The best of Dad... an update

There is nothing I enjoy more than recounting the strange and awesome habits of my Dad. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm getting older, or the fact that he's getting older, that accounts for the sudden abundance of material that leaves my sides hurting for hours at a time.

For example, I came home from work Monday evening and took the dogs out for a walk before dinner. My Dad has fired up the grill and taken his giant collection of chicken parts outside to roast them to perfection in the Eastern Idaho wind. Mind you, my Mother has told my Dad several times that she would prefer he not actually cook the chickens in entire halves, but chop them into their smaller parts. I guess there is something barbarian and appetizing in keeping these giant chicken body parts whole on the table that my Dad just can't resist.

Anyway, I left my Dad to cook and returned half an hour later. Resting in a covered casserole dish was half of the chicken bodies, charred black. Apparently, the flame of the grill had gotten away from my Dad and all but destroyed the chicken. Still hoping to salvage the meal, he merely got a few extra bowls from the cupboard and sat them at our plates, "the put the char in." I watched my poor parents dig through the torched skins and pick out the meat in the middle, my mother getting more frustrated every moment. At the end of the meal she simple stated to my Dad, "You better take care of that, or I will throw it away." And so he did.... he patiently peeled back the char and filled a tupperware container to feed the dogs with. It's still in the fridge, four days later.

My Dad is such a stud!

Are you my mother?

I'm sure that most of us recall Eastman's (thanks Kelly) tale of the deserted baby bird that is denied the experience of imprinting with its own kind immediately after escaping his egg and seeks out another mother figure. Along his path, he manages to find a kitten, a hen, a dog, a cow, and finally a power shovel. Ultimately, it is the power shovel which delivers the bird back to its nest and mother.

The past few weeks I have felt much like a power shovel. I have carted one of my sickly geek friends back and forth between doctors, hospitals, pharmacies, and home. The poor soul is one of those cursed with a week immune system so although he spent ten days on four times the normal dose of antibiotics for an infection, the infection still returned this past week. This alone was stressful, but add two jobs to that and it equals migraines, dosing off in odd places, and a sad social life. (I must add that I was not the only power shovel though, it really took two of us.)

Yesterday I flew the coop a little at my sick geek friend, for which I inevitably feel guilty. He merely asked me when his next doctor's appointment is and I slipped into a rage, demanding him to take more self-responsibility. I refused to make his medical decisions any longer and even refused to take him to, "Horton Hears a Who."

You may think me a monster for sharing this tale but I must say that I couldn't take much more of the mothering instinct coming out, I believe it was fundamentally changing me. Evidence of this was when my 19 year old geek and I walked into the doctor's office and the nurse immediately asked, "Are you his mother?"

I vehemently denied the accusation immediately! I began to think, how old do I look that someone would take me for my geek's mother?! Have I crossed some maternal instinct line that gives off motherly hormones or something that might single me out to others? And most importantly, how the hell do I get back over the line?

Well, it took me a little time, but I finally had to stop being the kitten, the hen, the dog and the cow, and dump my geek back into the nest. That's right, I'm a power shovel, baby!