I-D-A-H-O, Idaho, Idaho, go, go, go!

Sigh... I actually finished my first year of law school. (I expect you all to be clapping right now). This is no small feat for me, especially considering the semi-catatonic state I was in when I left Moscow, ID for Idaho Falls, ID four years ago. Finally, I feel like I'm figuring some stuff out... it feels a little like Fight Club when Edward Norton realizes that he is actually Tyler Durden, luckily though I didn't have to shoot myself in the jaw. Maybe that's a bad comparison...

Anyway, I was excited to finish my last final so I could go home to Idaho. I hadn't been home for a few months and was really feeling the need the for some family and puppy time. I'm always surprised how nothing changes though I probably shouldn't be.

No one has finished the Marriott next to the river since the builder went bankrupt and we are left to wonder if it will continue to be a reminder of the recession for the next twenty years. The local newspaper still only prints a quarter of a page on international news while devoting almost the entire front page to the first local doctor to do a cochlear implant. The old farmers still meet in the early morning hours at O'Brady's Restaurant, drink coffee and talk about the weather until noon everyday.

The same people work in the Java Hut. My old boss still says inappropriate at lunch with the other guys while my very patient and awesome replacement ignores them all completely. My parent's house is still a constant sixty degrees. My dad still lets my dog outside without putting her on the leash even though he has learned time and time again that she does not listen. My mom still leaves half-eaten pieces of toast all over the house. My brother still insists on getting up at 2a.m. to do his milk route. My nephew Weston still looks like a little football player and my sister-in-law still manages to have infinite grace in dealing with both Wes and my brother.

My old friend from junior high once again met me for breakfast, still drunk from the night before, wearing pajama pants and the same shirt that he had apparently been wearing for three days. It is still a rarity to go to the mall and not run into someone you know. The same people are at the local gym as were there the last time I came home. And without fail, after washing my car I find myself behind a truck carrying hay.

So yeah, Idaho has it quirks and some of them are more irritating than others. In the end though, I miss it a lot.

Basically, ultimately and in effect...

With only a week left of my second semester law school classes, I finally checked my blog and realized I have seriously neglected it. I would like to say that this is due to my intense focus on my studies, but it is more likely due to a law induced stupor. This stupor is really only comparable to the three-week narcotic haze that followed my tonsillectomy last spring during which I survived on pudding, tea and watched three entire seasons of "Bones" consecutively in my parent's basement. In both cases, I have emerged a bit crazed, a bit paler, with a headache, and in serious need of some rehabilitation.

To begin this process, I will share my semester's experiences, sharing with you what has induced this stupor and submitting to you for suggestions on how to remedy the situation. You heard it here, this is a cry for help people so now you are all liable for my rehabilitation.

The semester began with the assignment to read "A Civil Action." I read the entire book regarding a personal injury suit against big industry for releasing toxins that cause cancer, and was asked by my professor which attorney I deemed "the best." Unfortunately, I determined that all of the attorneys in it sucked and if I have to be like any of them, I would like to quit now. Apparently that was not the right answer but I still can't figure out what the right answer is...

I managed to stay off Facebook for the first three weeks of class, no small feat. Property Law finally broke me though. Property Law has turned me into a communist and a Facebook Farkle addict.

Yes, I'm still dating Gipple. I have been reminded how complicated relationships are and that I shouldn't say things like, "sure," "that's fine," and "I'm ok," even if they are accurate. Also, reacting to stuff two to three days after it actually happens is a lot like giving someone a present and then making them give it back... Oh and adding ellipses ("...") to everything creates interpretive ambiguity. Sigh...

I am relying on my physical similarities to my sister to make up for not having met my new nephew yet. I'm hoping this will help him love me, even though I have yet to bundle him up and squish his chubby cheeks. I believe that holding him and hugging my sister would induce complete zombie recovery instantly.

The Indian guys that live below me getting an X-Box has made me appreciate the guy next door that leaves talk radio on all night. At least the guy next door doesn't make the floor shake for two hours from playing "Call of Duty." The Indian guys also recently discovered alcohol which makes their Wednesday night get-togethers more fun for them and louder for me... not sure how they communicate when ALL of them talk at once. I need to move.

Law school prom is WAY better than High School prom. No one is embarrassed that they know the words to Duran, Duran songs and doing dance moves like "the sprinkler" only makes you cooler. I didn't get to break out my punch-dancing but now I have something to look forward to for next year.

I spent 150 hours on a motion and memo about a fake teacher being fake drug tested and fake testing positive for opiates. Now I get to do fake oral arguments against a classmate using my memo. I am not fake bitter about this.

And there's the basics. Intervention?

What a law student thinks...

I feel like I need to dispel the fiction that law school makes law students smarter right now before it gets out of hand. We are not "smarter." We maybe know a little more Latin and try to apply legal rules to factual situations in our lives but I wouldn't call this smarter. Let's face it, waking up in the middle night to my neighbor's talk radio and trying to figure out if I can sue him based on a nuisance theory and recover for my lost sleep isn't smart... it's actually kind of stupid because it means I'm not putting my ear plugs in and going back to sleep.

There are all kinds of more prominent examples though daily at the law school. I'd like to share these with you now so in three years when you call me for free legal advice, I can point to this blog and say, "Hey, I put you on notice that I'm still an idiot a long time ago." Here's your notice...

When my Property professor talks about a state government's "police power"... I automatically think of the video of police beating Rodney King even though that has nothing to do with it.

When my Constitutional Law professor who was born in France says "whereas-es" in his French accent 75% of the class giggles and thinks..."haha, he said ass!"

My law school buddy and I decided it would be funny to name my fictional-future children "Plaintiff, Defendant, and Your Honor." You can only imagine the tom-foolery that proceeded from there. Commentary such as "Your Honor, stop hitting Plaintiff!" has been going on for two days now and makes us behave in class like kids in church.

When I'm staring intently at the professor, looking astute, it's probably only because I got bumped off the internet so the CNN article I wanted to read won't load.

I may know more Latin but I still have no idea what Eddie Vedder is singing.

I generally have three pages up on Firefox during every class: my e-mail, CNN, and Dictionary.com just so I can see if my professor is making up words, The legal field has confused the English language more than Ebonics.

Law students are not any better at conflict resolution than the rest of the world. Some even find it acceptable to bang their heads on their desk repeatedly when a fellow-student won't shut up their own ridiculousness. Hilarious? Yes. Appropriate? Probably not.

We still gossip and make up code names for people we either really like or really don't like so they don't know we are talking about them.

So you see, we are just like the rest of you... only more like the way you were in junior high. Lesson from this? Find out what your potential attorney's nickname was in law school before you hire them.