Happy Birthday...

I don't often use my blog as a forum to share my deep, inner thoughts so I beg your forgiveness as I indulge myself today. Today is April 28th, my new birthday. I suppose there are few of us fortunate enough to allot themselves another entire day devoted to a celebration of their life, but for me, it's more a day of reflection and solemnity than anything else. It is also an important day for me to thank my loved ones for their forgiveness, kindness, and willingness to continue loving me despite all.

I rarely speak of Moscow with my family... it tends to bring about painful and difficult to deal with recollections. But today I have enjoyed my fond memories of Moscow: coffee shops, sunset runs in the Palouse, ridiculously fun Halloween parties, late nights walking campus, the tiny art gallery on main street, the food co-op, buying shoes in the mall with Jen, sleeping through geology, the dumb football gargoyles on the Memorial Gym, watching hours of Miami Vice in my apartment, the view as you drive into Lewiston, "the gauntlet," the Pita Pit at two in the morning, Friday night BBQs, the smell of Bryan Young firing up the deep fryer (despite my objections), Saturday morning breakfast, sleeping in Sundays, frisbee golf, playing poker with my buddies at Staples, decorating for Christmas, making cookies when I couldn't sleep... so many good things!

Of course I brought back with me much sadness and many ghosts. Believe it or not, they seem to haunt me more here in Idaho Falls than Moscow. On days like today I find myself driving the river or out to the buttes in Osgood, places of my past that bring a bittersweet peace. And on days like today I only want to reach out and tell those I care for that I love them and I am so glad they are with me.

I hope all of you, even those that may never read this, know in their hearts that they gave me hope when I was in the dark, hugs when I needed to be held, clarity when I was surrounded by gray, and gave me another chance without question. Thank you for my happy birthday...



TWILIGHT
By: Vanessa Carlton

I was stained with a role
In a day not my own
And as you walked into my life
You showed what needed to be shown
And i always knew what was right
I just didn't know that i might
Peel away and choose to see from such a different sight

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high
'Cause I've seen 'cause I've seen twilight

I never cared never wanted never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose so in my face
Couldn't see beyond my own place
And it was so easy to behold
What could hold but you taught me i could change
Whatever came within these shallow days

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high
'Cause I've seen 'cause I've seen

And as the sun shines through and pushes away and pushes ahead
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead
And i never knew that i could be so blind to all that is so real
And as illusioned eyes i see there is so much to be revealed

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high 'cause i've seen 'cause i've seen twilight

I was stained with a role in a day not my own
And as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And i always knew what was right
I just didn't know that i might
Peel away and choose to see from such a different sight

And i will never see the sky the same way
And i will learn to say goodbye to yesterday
And i will never cease to fly..if held down
And i will always reach too high 'cause I've seen 'cause I've seen twilight