Val Kilmer

I was completely disillusioned recently upon turning on one of my favorite crime series, "Numbers" to find the secret villain revealed as none other than guest star, Val Kilmer. No, I was not alarmed to see Val trafficking national secrets. I was not alarmed by his killing people by injecting potassium into their hearts. Instead, I was struck that the former Batman and Iceman from "Top Gun," appeared strikingly... old.

What happened to the glorious Val of the eighties with his gelled blond locks, spiking a volleyball to the song "Playing With the Boys" alongside Tom Cruise? What happened to the man my best friend used to pretend her pillow was when she made out with it? What happened to the man that could pull off walking into a naked Nicole Kidman's bedroom without someone calling security? What happened to the Doc Holiday that saved Kurt Russel from certain doom? And who could forget Willow? In short, what happened to the glorious ideals of my childhood?

I realize that everyone ages and certainly some with less grace than others but come on Val, you're killing me smalls! While Harrison Ford is still whipping ass in Indiana Jones, and Silvester Stallone is still managing Rambo movies (that can stop anytime, by the way), Val is getting busted by tabloids with a beer belly, playing villains on crime series, and remaking "Knight Rider." With each new update on Val status, I lose a little more of my childhood and little more of my hope for the future.

I'm sorry Val, but you just can't be my wingman anytime...